Much of the social history of the Western world over the past three decades has involved replacing what worked with what sounded good. - Thomas Sowell
The Greatest Challenge
In many years of working through problems alongside men, both as therapist and as life and business coach, I could see the same thing emerging. I’ve seen it in real tough guys – Royal Marines, Police Officers, Paras, men who have faced and dealt out deadly force – and in shy young men who wouldn’t say boo to a goose. It’s how to relate to other people. In a recent survey relationships came top of the list of male challenges, not just relating to women but with other men too. Why is this? Throughout most of human existence, men have been strong hunters and defenders, and women have been successful gatherers and nurturers. They were equal but different. Small cooperative tribes of humans have managed to cross deserts and glaciers, survive ice ages, colonise great jungles, fight fierce animals many times their size, learn to farm, to build cities, develop science and technology and eventually travel beyond the planet. So where did men go wrong? 
Technology and Revolution
Changes in the way we operate as a society are quite recent – just the last few generations. A few hundred years ago, men farmed, hunted, baked bread or worked iron, and sometimes fought against other groups of men as archers or men at arms. These were clear roles, often passed from father to son. Change was fairly slow, and a boy had time to be apprenticed and to learn from his father at the plough or the forge, learning by example from other men also. The identity of a man was pretty clear. Within a few hundred years, and especially in the 20th century, everything changed. Fighting, farming and forging metal all became high-tech activities for specialists to carry out with expensive equipment. Jobs appeared and disappeared within a generation – punched-card machine operators, anyone remember those? Bank clerks were replaced by ATMs, steel works and mines closed, ships were manned by foreign crews. Women fought justly for equal rights. Men felt guilty, and didn’t! But the biggest change was at home. Men, Families and Change
The results of the explosion in separation and divorce, which started after World War 2 and accelerated with no-fault divorce in the 1970s, has meant that whole generations of boys grow up without adequate contact with their father, or another healthy father figure. The response to this by
many boys is either a retreat into uncertainty and anxiety (whilst trying to look competent on the surface) or to develop a tough guy, hard man exterior, denying emotion and connection with others. My experience is that neither of these works very well – and then they have kids of their own! More failed marriages, more confused and uncertain sons…This doesn't have to be how it ends. If you’re not happy with how your life is going, let me know if I can help.
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