The Relationship Heals

 

Like thousands of others across the world, Grace and I were thrilled last night when we watched The King’s Speech. Rich in period detail, historical drama, moments of great humour, and acted brilliantly, it is hard to see how this film would not take an immediate place in your personal top ten. Pensioners will remember the events, the rest of us get a history lesson. But the core of the film is in the beautifully portrayed relationship between the awkward, stammering Duke of York, abused by his nanny and brother, bullied by his father and loved by his wife, and the unqualified, unconventional Australian speech therapist. Whilst they are both intelligent and perceptive men, the social gap was as wide as it could realistically have been in these class-ridden times.

We were both struck by the nature of Lionel’s speech therapy with Bertie, the Duke. In counselling and psychotherapy, most of us strive to establish three Core Conditions. In Carl Rogers’ words:

“The first element could be called genuineness, realness, or congruence. The more the therapist is himself or herself in the relationship, putting up no professional front or personal facade, the greater is the likelihood that the client will change and grow in a constructive manner.

The second attitude of importance in creating a climate for change is acceptance, or caring, or prizing--what I have called 'unconditional positive regard.' The therapist prizes the client in a total rather than a conditional way.

The third facilitative aspect of the relationship is empathic understanding. This means that the therapist senses accurately the feelings and personal meanings that the client is experiencing and communicates this understanding to the client. …We think we listen, but very rarely do we listen with real understanding, true empathy. Yet listening, of this very special kind, is one of the most potent forces for change that I know."
(Rodgers, 1980)

In the film we saw Lionel really care about Bertie, we saw him connecting with him as a man, across social divisions, we saw him challenge him, listen to him, swear with him, joke with him, but most of all he was always there for him, tuned in to him, and caring about him without condition. Working at an intuitive level, Lionel got it just right, and went on to be the King’s life-long friend and supporter.

As counsellors we are ethically denied the luxury of making friends with our clients. I wonder if we would flout that ruling if we became personal therapist to a king? I doubt that question will be tested for us! The King’s Speech is a moving tale of love and care in an unemotional world of duty. Watch it.  Perhaps even the Queen might enjoy this excellent tale of her father, which all took place when she was a little girl.

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